


A Human Construct

by unfolded73



Series: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Pete's World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-04 02:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unfolded73/pseuds/unfolded73
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose and the Doctor struggle toward a commitment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Human Construct

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published 09 February 2010. What I said at the time: I'd spent a couple of weeks dithering over this fic when it suddenly broke free yesterday. Can be considered part of the Fumbling 'Verse, although it isn't necessary to have read any of that to follow this. At first this fic may seem a little angsty, but by the end, you'll be swimming in fluff. Drowning in it.

The Doctor glances down at his feet, wiggling his toes in the sand. He probably looks daft, he thinks, bare feet and his shiny, black trouser cuffs rolled up to his shins. The ocean tide washes in over the tops of his feet, a bit too chilly for his liking, if he’s honest. But then, he probably isn’t going to be swimming in it, not today. The water glitters under the sunlight, making him squint.

He feels a twinge of guilt for fleeing the house, one of the Tylers’ vacation homes, and coming down to the beach alone, black trainers tossed carelessly into the sand above the high tide mark. But it’s been the sort of day that he’s rubbish at, with so much attention and expectation and ceremony, and he doesn’t think he can abide much more. 

Something makes him turn around, and he sees her, approaching over the dune. She’s got the hem of her dress clutched in one fist, and is focused on the steps she’s taking, unaware that he’s watching. She pauses, kicking off dainty sandals that are no good for beach walking, and then she looks up and sees him seeing her. Her resulting smile is wide and bright enough to rival the sun.

 

~~~

 

“You didn’t come to bed last night,” Rose said from the doorway of his shed. He was hunched over one of the benches, and he didn’t look up from the computer motherboard he was ostensibly working on.

“Lost track of time.”

“When was the last time you had a decent night’s sleep?” She came further into the room, and he was shamed by the wish that she would just go and leave him alone.

“I sleep.”

“You get naps here and there, but that’s not really enough–”

“How many times do I have to tell you that my body doesn’t work like a human. I’m sleeping enough.”

“I’m not sure I believe that, but the last thing I want right now is another row.” He looked over at her finally. She was dressed for work, and she stood in the middle of the floor and surveyed the room. “Blimey. No wonder our electricity bill is so high.”

“I’ve got a lot of projects going,” he mumbled, turning back to his work.

“I’m headed to the office in a minute. Wanna join me?” He drew a salary from Torchwood, one he more than earned, but he hadn’t been showing his face around the offices much lately, preferring to work from home. He ignored the question. There was a long silence, but he knew Rose was still standing behind him. He could feel her gaze like an itch between his shoulder blades. “You can spend all day and all night in this shed,” Rose said, her voice trembling, “and you can surround yourself with more and more electronics and salvaged alien tech until the hum of it deafens you, until you bring down the electrical grid, and it’s not going to make you stop missing the TARDIS.”

“Don’t.”

“You’re depressed,” she continued. “And I get why; believe me, I do. But isolating yourself–”

He slammed his sonic screwdriver down on the table, the sharp sound bringing her speech to a halt. “You spent two years on that ship, Rose. I spent _centuries_. So don’t pretend to _get_ what I’m going through.” He stood up and began to pace, his speech getting louder and more out of control. “Don’t think that getting me to spend more time with people or to get more exercise or eat better or sleep more or that dosing me up with serotonin reuptake inhibitors is going to fix me!” Rose stood silently, and he turned just in time to see two tears slide down her cheeks. He deflated, hating for a moment that she wasn’t fighting back. Watching her take his abuse made him feel even less of a man than he already did. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Maybe you’re right,” she said. “Maybe none of those things will fix you. I don’t know. I just know that we can’t go on like this.”

 

~~~

 

Rose runs the rest of the way down the beach, splashing into the surf with a disregard for her dress that would have had Jackie screaming, had she been there to see it.

She grabs his hand, still grinning. “I got away.”

“Well done. How long before they notice that we’re both missing, do you think?” He lifts their joined hands to his lips and plants a quick kiss on hers.

“I’m sure they already have. The question is, will anyone come looking for us?”

He ponders that for a moment. “Might not if they assume we’ve gone somewhere to shag.”

“They probably will think that, won’t they?” she giggles. “That’s what mum will assume, I’m sure of it.”

The Doctor wrinkles his nose, uncomfortable with the thought of himself and sex even being in Jackie’s mind simultaneously. “On second thought, maybe we should go back to the reception.”

 

~~~

 

“I sometime wonder ...” He was studying the pattern of the foam on top of his beer, examining the effect that fluid dynamics was having on the path of the bubbles. The pub they sat in was filled with the usual Friday evening crowd, happy to be finished with another work week.

He waited the beat that Rose was waiting, hoping he’d finish the sentence without any prompting, before she gave up. Right on cue, she asked, “Wonder what?”

“I sometimes wonder, if you wanted to split up with me, would you?” Even with the extra time to think about saying it, he was sort of surprised when the question came out of his mouth. He kept his eyes trained on the foam in his glass, hoping it would add to the impression of nonchalance he was cultivating.

“If I _what_?” Rose’s own pint clunked onto the dark wood of the table, and the Doctor looked up to gauge her expression. Mostly she just looked confused.

“If you wanted to split up.”

Rose opened and closed her mouth. “I don’t.” 

“I know; it’s a hypothetical–”

“Do you want to ... if this is your way of telling me that you ... that you ...”

The Doctor grabbed up her hand from the table. “It’s not. You must know it’s not. Honestly, it’s a hypothetical question.”

Rose took a sip from her glass. “What’s brought this on?” Her face was drawn into a frown. “Things have been so much better lately, and I thought–”

“Nothing, it’s just ...” He sighed. “There’s an awful lot of expectation, isn’t there? Has been since ... _he_ left us here together with the certainty that we’d have this happily ever after. That I’d be his surrogate with you, in a way, that you’d fulfil this very important role in my life, and vice versa. And everyone here – Pete and Jackie and all of your friends at Torchwood who know even a fraction of the backstory, they’ve imbued our relationship with this mythic quality that’s, frankly, rather intimidating, and I just started to wonder, well, not wonder, but I started to imagine that if you were unhappy with me, it might be hard for you to say so, that you might feel trapped or pinned down under the weight of all this–”

“Doctor, stop.” Rose held up a hand. “Take a deep breath.” 

He started to protest, but realised that she was right: he did need to breathe. He inhaled sharply through his nose and exhaled, picking up his pint and drinking to give himself something to do.

“This is really worrying you? That I might stay with you only because I feel an obligation to ... what, to not ruin the plot?”

“Wellll ...”

“I’m happy. You know I’m happy.” Rose squeezed his hand.

“I do,” he said, not sounding entirely convinced. 

“Don’t worry so much about what everyone else expects; that’ll drive you mad. All we can do is live our lives day by day, yeah?” She grinned at him.

“Yeah.”

 

~~~

 

“You’re not cross that I came down here?” he asks, raising his voice over the crash of the waves.

She laughs in response. “On the contrary, I thought you did quite well today. I knew you’d have to scarper at some point. It’s in your nature.” He smiles a small half-smile, aware of Rose watching him carefully. “I’m sorry; this whole thing probably wasn’t the way you would have wanted it.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, all the people, and having to stand up there and say those small, human words, as you called it.”

He grimaces. “You heard that?” He had a bit of rant to this universe’s Donna a few days before, but he thought Rose was out of earshot.

“I happen to agree with you. But it was important to Mum, and after everything I put her through, I thought a proper wedding was the least–”

“I know.” He turns to face her fully and takes her other hand. “Sometimes I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of needing to apologise for being such a rubbish boyfriend.”

“You aren’t, you know. It’s not all been smooth sailing, but that’s the way relationships are, Doctor.” She leans up and kisses him quickly. “Besides, it’s rubbish husband now.”

 

~~~

 

Rose rolled off of him, collapsing on her back on the other side of the bed. A few seconds passed, and then she sat up and made a grab for the blankets they’d kicked off in the heat of passion, pulling them up to her chin. He began to experience the same chill as sweat cooled on his bare skin, and there was a brief tug-of-war between them as they got comfortable under the covers. Rose closed her eyes, a satisfied smile teasing at the corners of her lips. He propped his head up on his hand and looked his fill as he often did in moments like these, at least when he could fight off the inevitable drowsiness. He didn’t think she was ever more beautiful than immediately after they’d made love.

Just when he thought she was asleep, Rose opened her eyes. “What were you and Mum talking about the other day?” 

“When was that?”

“After lunch on Sunday, when you were sort of ... whispering with your heads together.” 

“Just to clarify, is this one of those times when you actually don’t know the answer, or do you know the answer and you’re checking to see what I’ll say?”

Rose had closed her eyes again, but she reopened them now and smirked. “It’s possible Mum might’ve mentioned something on the phone yesterday.” He arched an eyebrow. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to trick you, honestly.”

He let that pass. “So, yes, she asked me if we were ever going to get married.”

“What did you say?”

“As I recall, I wasn’t able to complete a sentence for the next several minutes, thanks to her constant interruptions.” Rose laughed, arching off the bed in her amusement. “What did you say to her on the phone yesterday?” he asked, congratulating himself internally for diverting Rose without really answering her question.

“Not a lot. You know, she was all, ‘What if you have children? What if something happens to one of you?’“ The Doctor smiled at Rose’s accurate imitation of her mother. She sighed. “Which, you know, are good points I suppose, but more important are whether two people actually _want_ to get married.”

“Exactly.”

“And I know _you_ don’t put any stock in that sort of thing, yeah?” She reached up and ruffled his hair affectionately.

“Well, I wouldn’t say ... I mean, it _can_ be ... but of course, you don’t want to go through all that folderol, right?”

“Planning a wedding _would_ make my life difficult. Torchwood leaves me little enough free time as it is. Of course, Mum would take care of ... “ She pushed herself up on her elbows, the blankets falling down and revealing her breasts. “What did you mean? You wouldn’t say what?”

“Hmm?”

“I said you don’t put any stock in that sort of thing, and you said, ‘Well, I wouldn’t say’. You wouldn’t say what?”

Later, when they told each other the story, he’d claim it was because he was distracted by her nudity. “I wouldn’t say I don’t put any stock in it. I wouldn’t mind a wedding.”

Rose sat all the way up, gaping at him, and the Doctor replayed what he’d just said in his mind. “When I said I wouldn’t mind a wedding ... I mean, I think marriage as an institution is great. I’m for it, marriage, for people who want to be married, of course, not for–”

“Are _we_ people who want to be married?”

“Well, I mean, we’re people who ... who want to spend the rest of their lives together. And I suppose ... I mean, if you want, I guess we could ... do _you_ think we should?”

“I think you’re going to have to try again with that proposal if you want to find out,” she said with a smirk.

He supposed he was caught up in the intimacy of the evening, and in how desperately he loved her, because he didn’t hesitate to pull her into his arms. He kissed her for a long moment, and when he spoke, the emotion apparent in his voice surprised him. “Rose Tyler, would you be my wife?”

 

~~~

 

“The ideas aren’t small, you know,” he murmurs after they’ve been standing in the surf for a few quiet moments.

“What?”

“The ideas behind marriage. It’s a human construct, certainly. Well, it’s a construct of all sorts of species. Monogamy isn’t a particularly natural thing, particularly for the lifespan of a sentient being, but it’s been institutionalised on thousands of worlds across the galaxy.”

“That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me, you sweet talker.”

“My point is, I may have criticised the ceremony, but I wasn’t criticising the vows I made to you. I take them very seriously, Rose. And I don’t have the words to express how honoured I am that you wanted to marry me.” 

“You daft alien,” she says, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. “In my whole life, there’s no one else I’ve wanted to spend forever with.”

He flushes and puts a finger under her chin to tilt her head up to kiss her tenderly. “You’re much better at these romantic declarations than I am.”

Rose hums in the back of her throat as she kisses him back. “Maybe so, but you’re learning.”


End file.
